Calendar Dilemma Redux

[DebiP]

Not sure if any of you remember that I had made a Shutterfly book for my father of the D's 2nd degree TKD black belt test and that he never said thanks, did not even remember it - in fact, it was in a drawer, so I decided that I was not going to spend my time and talent making him and his wife a calendar for 2014. I bought them a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant and he was thrilled, not one word about the calendar.

Fast-forward to this past week, they were visiting my brother and the new baby. Today my SIL texted me that my stepmother saw the one I made for my brother and SIL and commented on how much she loved the calendar(?!) and how they missed getting one for this year. My SIL, however, thanks me each month. Even my sister, who is difficult, remembered to thank me and shows it off.

So, should I make one? I have the paper and my SIL is sending photos of my father and SM from the visit, so I could make one of just the two of them, no one else. Would that be wrong?

[krecathy]

When I make things for gifts I make them for the pleasure and satisfaction i get from making the item. If the receiver of the gift brags and shows off the item it is an added bonus I get to the pleasure of making it. If they don't really seem to take pleasure in it than at least they know I was thinking of them. I always tell people "I don't purchase gifts for people--I buy things for me to play with. When I'm done with a project I get rid of them by gifting them to people I want to give a gift to, then it's their problem what to do with it."

So make what makes you happy and consider praise from anyone you make a gift for a bonus gift to yourself. Hope this helps.

[Stella]

What Cathy said, however I have learned there are certain people I don't make things for because it just would not be appreciated and I want to avoid the snide remark's of a "homemade gift, "that usually gets a gift card, if anything. On the other hand there are several times that I'm given a gift that I've made not expecting thanks.

[DebiP]

I truly get what you are both saying but each calendar takes hours and it is hard for me to give a handmade gift to someone who will not appreciate it. My father has shown little interest in my children and their accomplishments (he ignores my nephew who lives 10 minutes away from him and has for almost 20 years), so taking my time to make a grandparents calendar seems like an exercise in idiocy. I guess I will just make a calendar of my father and SM.

And it is not so much for the accolades, it's knowing that the time and effort are appreciated.


Thanks Cathy and Stella for helping me through this. Hugs.

[Stella]

Hugs back to you hon I understand you have to do what you have to do to protect your heart and your children -hang in there babe. Could be he just does not know how to express his feelings ? that is a possibility?

[DebiP]

Stella, unfortunately, no. He expresses his feelings ALL of the time. He is a virtual waterworks. He cried when John Wayne died.

It's just that he never wanted daughters and both of us screwed up royally: my sister had a baby out of wedlock and I married a foreigner - so our children are being punished for our sins.

[Stella]

I'm so sorry to hear that, he has two terrific daughters and some great grandkids -- it's his loss

[DebiP]

Thanks, Stella.